Tips for healthy living

Dear Joshing Chipster,

What tips do you have for young people in this hustle and bustle world?

Franny and Zooey

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Dear Salinger Offspring,

Don’t get me started.  Or alternatively, do.  Where do I start?

1.  Don’t marry an evil person.

2.  Don’t put eyeballs in your mouth.

3.  Don’t eat candy you find lying around.

4.  Remember, guns don’t kill people.  Mostly, its the bullets.

5.  If somebody goes to stab you, make your body go really hard.

6.  Friends are replaceable.  So is money, but you have to work to get that.

7.  If you hear a scary noise outside, stay inside.

8.  Lots of the stuff your parents tell you will turn out to be right, which is very very annoying.

9.  Let it go.  Let it all go.

10.  Stay clear of zombies and other monsters.

11.  Don’t.  You will get caught.

12.  If your plane is about to crash, try and be floaty.

13.  Don’t start a war in south east Asia.

14.  Don’t get a tattoo with your girl/boy friend’s name, because they are hard to change.  Get a generic one, that just says something like “Boyfriend” or “I heart Girlfriend”.

15.  Flags are not worth dying for, and taste like shit.

16.  Stephen King has written too much, and needs to find characters who are not best selling authors.

17.  Don’t tease vegans, they bite even though they will spit your blood out.

18.  It is possible to own too many books about wars.

19.  Tolerance is no excuse.

20.  Shit, I forget the other one.

I’m going to sleep now, I’m tired.

Yours truly,

Joelene, Joelene, Joelene, Joelene, I’m begging of you please don’t take my man.