What would Joe Chip do?

Lost in a crowd

Dear Mr Chip,

Its new years eve.  I’ll be in the city, in a mass of humanity.  They’ll all be revelling together.  The clock will strike, a couple of million dollars worth of fireworks will explode, the crowd will erupt.  Everyone will be hugging and kissing.  I know what is going to happen.  I am going to be standing there, all alone, lonely and lost among a quarter of a million people.  No one will greet me, there will be no one to touch me, no eye will I catch.  I’ll just wander by.



Dear Me,

I really have to stop writing to myself for advice.


Joe Chip


Dear Comrade,

Though I feel it must be close, the Revolution has not yet come.  GFC, climate change, massacres, unemployment, banks foreclosing all over, but nothing.  What are we doing wrong?


Dear Karl,

We get what we deserve.  Next year in Jerusalem? (to quote Yasser Arafat)

Your mate,

Joe Chip


Dear Joe,

An old friend has become involved in a Sabbatarian Yahweh cult and keeps sending photo-shopped pictures of the Pope on Facebook.


Dear Moshe,

I know and it is really giving me the shits!!



Dear Mr Joe’s’,

I am planning a new year excursion to Taronga Park Zoological Garden.  I am concerned however what should happen if a lion was to escape while I was there.

From Joshy

Dear Joshy,

So long as you are not the slowest person there, everything should be ok.  Make sure you take a child you are not too fond of, in case of true emergency.  If multiple lions attack, expect bites.  Unless of course you are Adam West, in which case no doubt you will have just the right tool hanging from your utility belt.  I know some people will think this is a ridiculous question, however I am sure no one in Shanghai the other day expected the wall of the shark tank to collapse.  Boy Scouts are always prepared, which makes them the most paranoid people in existence.  Their life spans are significantly reduced by many years because of their constant anxiety, which hardly makes up for the one in a million of them who survives a meteorite hitting him on the noggin just because he happened to always wear an anti-meteorite helmet (how would that have helped with the Tunguska impact, I have no idea – yes I do, I know for a fact that no boy scouts survived that event.)  This is why I go nowhere, especially nowhere with lions, and nowhere on New Years Eve.  I trust this is of no use.


Mr Chip


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One thought on “Lost in a crowd

  1. Pingback: Red-rumped parrot on a gate, and other Christmas visitors « I AM YOUR MATE JOE CHIP

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